June 2009

June 01

What Dreams May Come...

I've been doing some reflecting lately.  The topic of careers past and present has come up on a site I belong to.  It's no secret on this page that I have no clue what the hell I'm going to do once the kiddos start school.  However, this site has sorta forced me into the past.  I don't like to dwell there.  The past is just that...the past.  I do like to visit every once and a while.  Anyway, the subject of theatre came up.  I miss it.  I miss it a lot.  When the kids and I are playing we listen to Pandora radio on line.  I have my Quick Mix on Pandora set with a lot of Musical Theatre music.  When songs I love come on, it's very difficult to not drop everything and just start singing... in fact, many times that happens and we have a little dance break.  There are days I wish, no, long, to be back on stage.  I am totally jealous of those that are there.  Sure, there is the possibility that I will go back, but it won't be in the same capacity.  My life focus has changed drastically over the last four years.  I love that it has changed.  I expected it to change.  It doesn't mean that I don't miss it.  Has it changed who I am?  Maybe.  But I love the person that I have become.  It was part of what used to define me, and in that aspect, I guess it makes sense that it feels like a part of me is missing.  But I move on.

Jerry and I were talking about his goals.  He had planned on pursuing a PhD in Physics after UNCW.  And now... will it happen?  Probably not.  Maybe if we win the lottery.  But does it make him less of a person?  Not in my eyes.  Not in our kids' eyes.  Are there moments of jealousy of former classmates that are doing what he thought he would be doing?  Possibly.  But he is here. Now. For us.  What we have is what makes it all worth it.  There is always the want for more... more money, more education, more space.  But we live.  We are healthy.  Our children are healthy.  We are able to pay our bills.  We have a roof over our heads.  We have a world of possibilities in front of us.

Having to settle seems to be a fact of life.  But I'm happy with settling.  I was recently going through my baby book.  There was a page in it that I filled out.  It pretty much asked some silly questions.  But the last one was what did I want to be when I grew up: a mom.  So I guess that I am fulfilling my own prophecy.  And in all honesty, I wasn't putting as much effort into the acting as I could have.  But it doesn't mean I don't miss it.  It doesn't mean that I wish I could ignore my kids at night and go to rehearsals and sing and dance and play and let someone else take care of them during the day.  BUT, I couldn't do that.

So I will settle living vicariously through friends, Pandora, dreams, and movies.  I am content to dream.  Because in the grand scheme of things, what I have now is priceless.  My dreams are in the making and I am living them right now.

"Got no silver, got no gold, what I got can't be bought or sold.  I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night!" --Annie Get Your Gun

then

                                               now

June 04

An anatomy lesson by Elijah

Last night at the dinner table Elijah started pointing to my and naming body parts, so I started pointing to them and he kept on naming them:

eyes, ears, teeth, tongue, lips, nose, chin, forehead, shoulder, elbow, knee, toes... we were giggling and I thought that we were all done.  I said, "Good naming Elijah!"  He said, "Thanks mom!"  We started eating again.  Elijah suddenly looks at me and points to my chest and yells, "MOMMY'S MILK!!"  Jerry and I started laughing!  It was priceless!  I'm really glad we were at home, though being out may have made it even funnier!

can't imagine where he learned it!

June 26

Ahhh, the mountains

It's been a while.  I'm at my folks house in the mountains and I'm super glad to be away from the heat of the coast.  While it is still warm here, 90 degrees here is ALLOT different that 90 degrees on the coast.  So far, we've been fairly relaxed.  We've played in the creek and discovered a GREAT pool, spent time with my friend Laura and ridden bikes, hung with Oma and Opa and walked through the forest.  Overall, very nice time.  The sleeping has been rough, but new place and whatnot.  We are all missing Jerry, but we'll see him next week.

We started out in Charlotte at Jerry's sister's vow renewal.  It was a very nice, simple, ceremony.  The kids had fun staying in a hotel and we had a nice time visiting with family.  My folks came down for the ceremony and the kids and I went back with them.

I have to say that facebook has allowed me to connect with people from high school that I haven't seen in 15 years.  It's been nice (for the most part) but still at arm's length.  Laura and I have been friends since 5th grade.  Our friendship has withstood the test of time and distance.  From all the people I went to high school with, she is the only one that I have kept in real contact with.  She is not on facebook (though she should be....hehehehehe!)  However, I relay stuff to her that I find.  Tonight we met for dinner and I invited a mutual friend of ours.  IT WAS AWESOME!  Time changes people...well, one can hope.  I mean you have to grow right?  Some people tend to grow in a direction I don't understand, but ya know.  Anyway, we hung out and it was good.  We all seemed comfy in our lives and with each other.  Facebook as a whole is a really cool idea.  I do get annoyed at everyone publishing the results of EVERY test they take, but I filter them out.  I do however, (sorta) wish, that if you get ignored they the ignore-er would have to state a reason.  I'm SO curious about why this one person ignored me.  Whatever, but ya know...

There is more to say, but I'm tired and this weekend will be busy.  I will wait and post pics when I get home.

April 2009

April 12

HAPPY EASTER!!!!

From the Jones' Easter Bunnies!

 

April 21

A year in review... birthday perspective

So yesterday was my 33rd birthday.  We celebrated over the weekend.  Jerry got me family portraits as my birthday present.  I'm really happy with them.  We got the kid's portraits done as well and they also turned out really well.  My actual birthday was okay.  I hung with grouchy kids, went to Costco, and went to the park in the afternoon to hang with Kristie and co.  Kristie's birthday is tomorrow and we are having a joint Bearthday party this weekend to celebrate Earth Day and our birthdays.  I think it will be fun.  Thus far there are about 80+ people coming.  I'm making a rice krispie treat earth and my friend Jenn is making a sheet cake for the earth to sit on.  We will have a craft for the kiddos.  It's at a park, so there will be a playground for the kids to play on and a field for games and whatnot.  We are having a freecycle table for people to give/take what they want to get rid of/find to take home.

Okay on to the review:

This year has been a good one.  I had Grace.  And while we didn't go on a summer vacation, we did get to spend a week in the mountains and celebrate 10 years with friends from WWC.  I feel like I have learned to stop being concerned (as much) about what other people think of me/my parenting.  I have tried to get a thicker skin and not let my feelings get hurt so easy.  I have gone through the emotions of a new mom and learned to try not to let guilt get the best of me.  I have kicked myself for having two kids so close together in age and then turned around and found something like this:

  and realize I wouldn't want to have it any other way.  With the help of Jerry I potty trained Elijah and am SO glad...now onto night training!  I have learned to split my time between the kiddos.  I have found myself becoming more domestic-ish... in cooking and attempting to clean more.  I have found that my heart can indeed hold even more love than I thought.  I have supported Jerry through leaving an undesirable job to one that is MUCH more enjoyable.   I have gained a lot of perspective on what makes a true friend and have vowed to put forth more energy on friendships that will hopefully last, as for the others...I will definitely put the energy out there, but am not going to lose sleep over them.   I definitely get a kick out of the kids.  They are hilarious.  I will not feel bad that Elijah isn't in school, or that he doesn't know every color in the 64 count crayon box, or can't count to 10 without skipping a few numbers, or doesn't know his ABCs from rote memory.  I will take comfort in the fact that my children are happy, laugh easily, have fantastic imaginations, can make up incredible stories, love to play outside, love to pile up on Jerry and me, will sit and listen to stories, then make up their own (well Elijah does...Grace doesn't have enough words yet!) get along with their friends and show genuine concern for them, love to bake cookies, love to make mud pies, love to paint, love to play soccer.  I take comfort that I am a good mother.  This year has taught me that I can handle many things.  That my patience is VERY STRONG, but has a tendency to falter when there have been too many "NOOOOOO!!!!"'s   That I can run after my kids.  That my energy level is dependant on the attitudes of the kids.  I am continuously amazed by Jerry and his willingness to come home after a 8+ hour work day and chill with the kids.  That he will stay up with Grace and her itchiness.  That he will, without (to much) complaint watch over us and endure a horrid job in order to provide for us and make sure we are fed, have insurance, a roof over our heads, and a car to drive. (Now that he's in this new job, we joke that we don't have that much to talk about over dinner anymore!)  I am amazed that he puts up with me and my (occasional) insanity.  Though I shouldn't be.  We will have been married for 9 years next month.  It shouldn't phase me that I got such a GREAT husband.  It shouldn't phase me that he is such a phenomenal dad...but it does.  Maybe this year I will work on being okay with having all this... and feeling like I do deserve it!!

So that's it... for now... another year is starting for me and I think it will be just as good... if not better!

April 25

Signs of Summer?

Today it was 86 degrees.  Not kidding... 86 degrees!!!  Holy monkey!  It was hot!

We had a great time at the Bearth Day Party.  I only took 4 pics and three were of the cake!  I can't believe it!  But hopefully, Kristie & Co. got more and she'll share.  Anyway, here are a couple I took!

We are the few (to be explained in a later post!)

This is the cake...well, cakes... My friend Jenn made the sheet cakes.  There were FOUR different flavors.  I made the rice krispie treat Earth (with fruit roll up continents.)  It had some earthquake issues with the humidity, but hey... it's all about taste right?

Friday I realized that the heat was coming and we have no pool... sigh... so the kids and I went out and got one:

It's HUGE!  Has a pump and everything!  Pretty exciting thing! Of course, Elijah is completely scared of it... Alas, this too shall pass....probably tomorrow!

Our garden is starting to come along.  I realized that I planted the spinach WAY to late, so I hoed it under and planted cucumbers in its place.  Our okra, green beans, and carrots are coming up.  And our peas are going hog wild!  We will fill the second garden tomorrow and I will plant tomatoes, green peppers, corn, and squash.  WAHOO!

We went strawberry picking on Wednesday.  While there I purchased 2 new blueberry bushes that were already loaded with blueberries, albeit green, but they will turn blue.  Planted them on Friday near our other two.  I'm hoping to have some yummy blueberries when we get back from vacation.

We have been spending lots of time outside.  I think that one of the best purchases we have made is the swing set!  The kids love it!  Elijah climbs all over it and it expands his imagination...not to mention improves his already great balance!  Grace LOVES to swing.  This child is crazy about going high.  She'll giggle and laugh.  My only wish is that we had more shade in the morning.  The swings and the slide can get rather hot.  But for the afternoon, it's perfectly in the shade!  I moved the little picnic table (which Grace has decided is her Everest and climbs EVERY chance she gets...sigh) over near the swing set so we can have snacks and drinks right there.  It's close to perfect!

And finally... a sign that summer is indeed on the way?  ICE POPS!!!  I love a good ice pop.  Be it the ones you buy in the store that are really just frozen kool-aid or homemade from juice...you just can't beat it on a hot day!  I like to make them out of V8 Fusion.  It's 100% juice and it have veggies and fruit and comes in yummy, perfect for ice pops flavors.  The kids LOVE them too!!!

So here's to summer... bring it on!!!

April 27

The few

Over the past year I have made a couple of very good friends.  Kristie and Katie.  We started hanging out due to some unpleasantness that happened over a year ago.  This past summer we instigated Wednesday Friendsday.  We have been hanging out almost every Wednesday.  I feel very much that I am surrounded by kindred spirits with them.

A few weeks ago Katie's husband played for Wilmington's Country Idol.  While he is not a country singer, he is a talented singer and you do what you gotta do in the biz.  Anyway, we all went to support him.  I left my house after dark, for the first time...well, in a REALLY long time!  And I didn't get home until midnight.  It was insane!  But a lot of fun!

Then a week after that, Kristie's husband got stuck in NY due to really bad weather.  Kristie's little guy had not been napping and she was missing her hubby, so Katie and I showed up and hung out, drank some wine, sang some karaoke (not well!) and ate junk food until one in the morning!

My point is, that there are not many that I would do this happily for!  These women are the best!  We don't always agree on everything.  And that's okay.  I don't feel like I have to prove myself to them.

Last summer, when we really started the Wednesday Friendsday, we were rearranging our schedules to be able to hang out.  We were laughing one day that people were going to start thinking that we were a couple.  But a couple is only two people... so we became... the few!   I have to admit, almost every friendship I have been in has suffered if there are not an even number of people in the group.  The only time I have been GOOD friends with just two other women was in college.  This is not to say that I didn't have other friends.  But the three of us hung out a lot.  This is only the second time that I have been GOOD friends with two females together and it work.  Does that make sense?  For me, threes just haven't worked out.  Someone gets left out.  Feelings get hurt.  Sure Katie and I hang out with out Kristie.  Kristie and Katie hang out without me.  Kristie and I hang out without Katie.  Everything is fine.  None of us is threatened.  It's what I love about us!

And, who knows.  Maybe it's about growing up and growing older and getting over yourself.  But I don't know.

I still don't plan anything on Thursdays for that playgroup.  And I love the women in that group as well.  It's just a different dynamic.  It's a bigger group.  It's a different comfort.  Wednesday Friendsday is small.  I like that there is a difference and a balance.

I think it's important in life to learn who your true friends are.  I think it's important to put faith and trust in them.

I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones I do are the ones I care for and about.  I put energy into friendships.  And with these women, I feel the energy come back "few" fold!

April 28

Composed Whilst Mowing...

Dear Clover,

You are very soft under foot.  You also have non-annoying flowers... However, you attract bees.  And while this is not a bad thing... it IS inside the fence in our back yard.  See, while your softness is much nicer on our feet than scratchy grass, a bee sting to one of the kids might send me packing to Alaska (not really, because they have very little sun there in the winter and too much in the summer...but you get my drift.)  Therefore, I'm sorry, but I'm cutting you down.

Sincerely,

Erin

Dear Bees,

I know that you are in peril.  I am a BIG fan, believe me.  BUT, you tend to scare my kids, and let's be honest, me.  And I know they scare you too.  I really am sorry that our house has invaded your area.  And you are most free to buzz and pollinate OUTSIDE the fence, but I am cutting the clover down and composting the remains.  Please vacate the premise immediately.

Sincerely,

Erin

Dear Ants,

There is a perfectly good ditch not very far away that you can move too.  Our backyard has lots of little feet running through.  Leave now.  Please. This is your only warning.  I suggest you vacate immediately or you will be behold the wrath.

Thanks,

Erin

Dear Reel Mower,

I know that you are environmental.  I really like that our grass looks much better when we use you.  I like that you don't scare the kids.  I like that you don't pollute their little lungs.  But come July, you may be retired for a battery powered alternative.  But we'll see.  You were very helpful today and we did get the WHOLE lawn mowed...  Just wanted to give you a heads up.  We still love you... but it's hot out there...

Love,

Erin

Dear Spiders,

GET. OUT.  GET. OUT. NOW.

Erin

Dear Dandelions,

I admire your ability to adapt.  I cut you down, you simply grow back shorter.  It's really rather spectacular.  I have decided I don't really mind you.  Please just don't attract the bees, or I shall have to send you a letter similar to the one addressed to the clover (see attached.)

Thanks!

Erin

Dear Summer,

We are looking forward to you!  We are ready to have fun!  Bring it on!!!!!

Lots of Love,

Erin