Body Image...

As a woman I am constantly reminded of the fact that I am not model material.  I am an adult and I'm (mostly) okay with this.  I went through a period in high school and college and probably a little after that where I was constantly disappointed in my body.  I thought that I was either too fat or my boobs weren't big enough or I was too skinny.  I don't necessarily think that this had anything to do with media or beauty pageants or whatever.  I think I choose activities that simply had a body standard.  Dance and theatre want a certain look.  Soccer and swimming kept me in the shape I needed to be in for those.  I started smoking as a social thing, but realized that it was a great appetite suppressor.  I quit 11 years ago and have never regretted that choice, but I did gain weight.  In order to fit into my wedding dress, I started Tae Bo and eating less.  After I got married, I kinda stopped caring.  I would go through spurts where I would work out and eat less.  Jerry and I did South Beach for a while and lost a lot of weight, but gave up on it and gained it all back.  I now try to remain active and exercise, for myself, but also for my kids.
HOWEVER.  I now have two kids.  We try to eat well and set good examples for our kids.  We limit TV time and encourage running and playing.  I try not to talk poorly about myself and my weight in front of my kids (of course, I am not happy with my body currently) because I don't want them to think that it's okay to pick out flaws.  I want them to be okay with their bodies.  I know that they will be exposed to all different body types throughout their life.  I know that they will undoubtedly compare themselves to peers, actors, action figures, etc.  I just hope that by the time they understand all this they are secure in their own bodies.  I will not (no matter how much I think they will win!!) enter my children in beauty pageants.  I have entered them in a photo contest, they do not know about it and I doubt that they will win (though they should...) and maybe this is a double standard.  I do want the world to know how beautiful my children are.  I secretly burst with pride when random people stop me to tell me how beautiful they are (side note: while we were in the mountains, a woman stopped us in the parking lot of Denny's and said, "I hope that you don't take offense, but please don't stop having babies.  Your kids are just gorgeous!"  No offense taken lady, but we are done with the birthin'.)  I tell the kids they are beautiful every day and I will continue to do so everyday.  I try not to use words like fat or ugly around them.  I know that I do.  But I try to make it okay.  Everyone is different and that's okay. 
If at some point Grace or Elijah come to us and WANT to be in some sort of pageant, there will be a LONG discussion about why and what it entails.  They will know why I am opposed to them.  I will try to be supportive of their choices, but I don't want them to feel like they are somehow less of a person if they do not meet some societal standard of pretty.  I know that I am their mother and I am biased. I will always think my children are beautiful.  I will not be the parent that tells their children they can sing (when they can't) and of course, the American Idol judges don't know what they are talking about...  I will not set them up for failure that way. 
This all ties in with not letting skin define them... but that is another discussion for another day.