June 2009

June 01

What Dreams May Come...

I've been doing some reflecting lately.  The topic of careers past and present has come up on a site I belong to.  It's no secret on this page that I have no clue what the hell I'm going to do once the kiddos start school.  However, this site has sorta forced me into the past.  I don't like to dwell there.  The past is just that...the past.  I do like to visit every once and a while.  Anyway, the subject of theatre came up.  I miss it.  I miss it a lot.  When the kids and I are playing we listen to Pandora radio on line.  I have my Quick Mix on Pandora set with a lot of Musical Theatre music.  When songs I love come on, it's very difficult to not drop everything and just start singing... in fact, many times that happens and we have a little dance break.  There are days I wish, no, long, to be back on stage.  I am totally jealous of those that are there.  Sure, there is the possibility that I will go back, but it won't be in the same capacity.  My life focus has changed drastically over the last four years.  I love that it has changed.  I expected it to change.  It doesn't mean that I don't miss it.  Has it changed who I am?  Maybe.  But I love the person that I have become.  It was part of what used to define me, and in that aspect, I guess it makes sense that it feels like a part of me is missing.  But I move on.

Jerry and I were talking about his goals.  He had planned on pursuing a PhD in Physics after UNCW.  And now... will it happen?  Probably not.  Maybe if we win the lottery.  But does it make him less of a person?  Not in my eyes.  Not in our kids' eyes.  Are there moments of jealousy of former classmates that are doing what he thought he would be doing?  Possibly.  But he is here. Now. For us.  What we have is what makes it all worth it.  There is always the want for more... more money, more education, more space.  But we live.  We are healthy.  Our children are healthy.  We are able to pay our bills.  We have a roof over our heads.  We have a world of possibilities in front of us.

Having to settle seems to be a fact of life.  But I'm happy with settling.  I was recently going through my baby book.  There was a page in it that I filled out.  It pretty much asked some silly questions.  But the last one was what did I want to be when I grew up: a mom.  So I guess that I am fulfilling my own prophecy.  And in all honesty, I wasn't putting as much effort into the acting as I could have.  But it doesn't mean I don't miss it.  It doesn't mean that I wish I could ignore my kids at night and go to rehearsals and sing and dance and play and let someone else take care of them during the day.  BUT, I couldn't do that.

So I will settle living vicariously through friends, Pandora, dreams, and movies.  I am content to dream.  Because in the grand scheme of things, what I have now is priceless.  My dreams are in the making and I am living them right now.

"Got no silver, got no gold, what I got can't be bought or sold.  I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night!" --Annie Get Your Gun

then

                                               now

June 04

An anatomy lesson by Elijah

Last night at the dinner table Elijah started pointing to my and naming body parts, so I started pointing to them and he kept on naming them:

eyes, ears, teeth, tongue, lips, nose, chin, forehead, shoulder, elbow, knee, toes... we were giggling and I thought that we were all done.  I said, "Good naming Elijah!"  He said, "Thanks mom!"  We started eating again.  Elijah suddenly looks at me and points to my chest and yells, "MOMMY'S MILK!!"  Jerry and I started laughing!  It was priceless!  I'm really glad we were at home, though being out may have made it even funnier!

can't imagine where he learned it!

June 26

Ahhh, the mountains

It's been a while.  I'm at my folks house in the mountains and I'm super glad to be away from the heat of the coast.  While it is still warm here, 90 degrees here is ALLOT different that 90 degrees on the coast.  So far, we've been fairly relaxed.  We've played in the creek and discovered a GREAT pool, spent time with my friend Laura and ridden bikes, hung with Oma and Opa and walked through the forest.  Overall, very nice time.  The sleeping has been rough, but new place and whatnot.  We are all missing Jerry, but we'll see him next week.

We started out in Charlotte at Jerry's sister's vow renewal.  It was a very nice, simple, ceremony.  The kids had fun staying in a hotel and we had a nice time visiting with family.  My folks came down for the ceremony and the kids and I went back with them.

I have to say that facebook has allowed me to connect with people from high school that I haven't seen in 15 years.  It's been nice (for the most part) but still at arm's length.  Laura and I have been friends since 5th grade.  Our friendship has withstood the test of time and distance.  From all the people I went to high school with, she is the only one that I have kept in real contact with.  She is not on facebook (though she should be....hehehehehe!)  However, I relay stuff to her that I find.  Tonight we met for dinner and I invited a mutual friend of ours.  IT WAS AWESOME!  Time changes people...well, one can hope.  I mean you have to grow right?  Some people tend to grow in a direction I don't understand, but ya know.  Anyway, we hung out and it was good.  We all seemed comfy in our lives and with each other.  Facebook as a whole is a really cool idea.  I do get annoyed at everyone publishing the results of EVERY test they take, but I filter them out.  I do however, (sorta) wish, that if you get ignored they the ignore-er would have to state a reason.  I'm SO curious about why this one person ignored me.  Whatever, but ya know...

There is more to say, but I'm tired and this weekend will be busy.  I will wait and post pics when I get home.